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Last night I had a dream.
In the dream, I was invited to be a speaker at a youth conference.
So far, in the dream, I had preached one sermon. Everything seemed to be going smoothly and well. People seemed to be getting blessed.
But at that night, we heard reports that a group of youths who were attending the conference apparently went out clubbing, having wild parties. Those young people seemed to have gotten nothing out of the conference.
When I heard this disturbing news I was in the city/downtown, having fellowship (I think — this part is blurry) with other people from the conference.
So I had to catch a bus (or a train — it was a strange bus that looked like a train), to hold an emergency meeting about the clubbing situation with the conference leaders, who were all in that bus.
But by mistake I caught a bus going the opposite direction. And when I got on it, I realised it was one of those express buses, which meant the next stop was really far away.
So, in my panic, I tried to speak to the driver, to ask exactly where the next stop was, how far away it was. The driver did not respond. I was getting freaked out: ‘Oh no, I have to attend this meeting. And I have to preach another sermon tomorrow morning. What am I going to do? Where is this bus taking me????’
After a while, the bus seemed to take me away further and further away from where I needed to be, so in my distress I tried to talk to the driver of the bus again and said, "I'm sorry, could you please just get me off here?"
And when I did, an elderly lady who was sitting next to me (I was sitting right behind the bus driver) suddenly stopped me with her arm. She was angry with me. And she said "Excuse me, young man, I don't know if this is what you do where you are from, but around here WE DON'T SPEAK TO THE DRIVER WHILE THE BUS IS MOVING"
So I sheepishly nodded, and listened to her rebuke, feeling really embarrassed. Then the old lady — changing her facial expression from angry to a slight smile — reached out for something from underneath her seat, and she took out a paper. And she pointed her finger to the words that were written on that page.
When I looked closely I realised it was lyrics to a hymn that was playing in the background in that bus (up until that point I didn’t even realise that a song was playing). And I don't remember what the lyrics said, but it began with the words "Do not be afraid…", and the song spoke of the sovereignty of God, of Him being in control of all things in our lives. The lady looked at me and nodded her head in rhythm, encouraging me to follow the lyrics with her, instead of worrying.
And while I heard that song, I (in the dream) began to weep uncontrollably — because it was in that moment that the dream made contact with reality — of my fears and anxieties that have been controlling me lately, in my real life. Those tears were tears of repentance, of my lack of belief and trust in God, in His good and wise sovereignty over every part of my life. That old lady's angry rebuke felt like God's stern fatherly rebuke of my unbelief, my trying to 'speak to the bus driver while the bus is moving' - me trying to tell God how to drive the 'bus' of my life.
So in that bus, while listening to that song 'Do not be afraid…' I began to 'submit' myself this situation, and to wherever this bus was going. I stopped trying to disturb the driver while the bus is in motion, and — still reeling from that lady’s angry rebuke — left the situation in God's good hands.
At this point I woke up from my dream, and I tried to get back to sleep, to try to make the story continue — because I had to know, ‘so how far away was this next stop? Did I ever make that emergency meeting? How did I ever go back to the conference site? What happened to the sermon I had to preach the next morning?’
But the dream, cruelly, ended there — because, actually, I don't have to know what happens next. Because it's not about knowing exactly what is going to happen in the future, but knowing Him who sings to me "Do not be afraid. I know what I am doing. I know where I am going. I've got the situation under control. Just trust Me":
John 21:18 ESV
Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you used to dress yourself and walk wherever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go.”
Isaiah 43:1-7 ESV
But now thus says the LORD, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. [2] When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. [3] For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in exchange for you. [4] Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life. [5] Fear not, for I am with you; I will bring your offspring from the east, and from the west I will gather you. [6] I will say to the north, Give up, and to the south, Do not withhold; bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the end of the earth, [7] everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made."